Pilot:                  Schiphol tower, SA 84 is righthand downwind runway 27.

Pilot (to copilot):     Where is that bloody runway?

Tower:                  SA 84, the runway is at your other righthand side and you are

                        cleared for lefthand base leg.







Pilot:          Request the present weather?

Radar:          Ten eights on the deck.

Pilot:          How con you have ten eights?

Radar:          Well, yesterday we had eights and today it's much worse.







Navigator:      Do you see a large town at your left 10 o’clock at two miles?

Pilot:          No.

Navigator:      Well, what about a 600 feet mast at our right 3 o’clock at four miles?

Pilot:          No.

Navigator:      A disused airfield dead ahead at 3 miles, maybe?

Pilot:          Certainly not!

Navigator:      There is no doubt about it - we’re lost!







Tower:          KLM 641, what's your height?

Pilot:          My height is six feet two, without shoes.







Pilot 1:        Let's make a 360 back home.

Pilot 2:        Roger.







Tower:          You have traffic at 10 o’clock, six miles.

Pilot:          Give us another hint. We have digital watches.







Passenger:      How long takes a flight from Australia to Copenhagen?

Clerk:          One moment.

Passenger:      Thank you.







GCA:            Mission 1234, do you have problems?

Pilot:          I think I have lost my compass.

GCA:            Judging the way you are flying, it looks like you have lost 

                the whole instrument panel.







Briefer:        During the airshow the minimum altitude for all participants

                will be 300 feet, gentlemen.

Pilot:          Roger, let’s compare shoes. My feet are 39 but yours look like 43 at least.







Tower:          Redskin Green, the airfield is at your 2 o’clock position.

Pilot:          Roger, is that local time or GMT?







Pilot:          LM 184 is at holding fix again (for the seventh time).

Radar:          What’s your destination?

Pilot:          Standby, I forgot, I have to ask my copilot.







Range:          Did you drop a bomb on this run?

Pilot:          Affirmative.

Range:          In that case, the score is „out of range“







Tower:          Aircraft on final, overshoot, overshoot, your gear is up!

Pilot:          Tower, can you say again, this horn is making such a noise.







Tower (fragt ergänzend nach dem Flugzeugmuster):    Und was ist Ihr Typ?

Pilot:          Rothaarig.







Pilot:          Approach, Federate 303 is with you at 8000 feet for vectors ILS, full stop.

Controller:     Unable Federate 303. The ILS is out of service.

Pilot:          We’ll take VOR then.

Controller:     Sir, the VOR is in alarm right now!

Pilot:          Okay, guess it’ll have to be the ADF then.

Controller:     303, unable. The ADF is down due to traffic saturation.

Pilot:          Okay, approach, state my intentions.







Segelfliegerschüler( nach seinem Standort gefragt:                      

......äh, Hotel Bravo 1630 downhill.







LH-Pilot (im Anflug auf Berlin, kurz nach dem Brünkendorf VOR).



Pilot:          Warum holen Sie uns denn schon so früh so weit runter? Sie wissen doch,

                daß das Fliegen in derart niedriger Höhe für uns unwirtschaftlich ist.

Controller:     Ja, Sie müssen schon entschuldigen, aber wir haben sehr viel Verkehr von

                Tegel aus in ihre Richtung, und mit dem könnten Sie zusammenstoßen.

Pilot:          Na, das wäre ja noch viel unwirtschaftlicher.







Tower:          Alitalia 439, line up and wait runway 23L.

Pilot:          Roger, line up and wait, Alitalia 23L.







Controller:     Delta Quebec Alpha, fliegen Sie in die Kontrollzone auf Steuerkurs 240

                bis zum Anschneiden des Endanfluges Landebahn 14R.

Pilot:          Fliege in die Kontrollzone auf Steuerkurs 240 bis zum Endeinschlag 

                auf der 14R.







Pilot:          Washington Radar, United 916, we have just been struck by a tremendous lightning.       

Controller:     United 916, roger, do you have any problems?

Pilot:          Not really, we have just have to change our underwear.







Pilot:          Santa Monica Tower, be advised that there are numerous pigeons on short final.

Tower:          Roger. They are all on frequency and cleared to land.







Pilot:          Leibertingen Segelflug, ich finde den Platz nicht.

Boden:          Wo ist deine Position?

Pilot:          Ich bin da nördlich von einem Maibaum, ein großer und drei kleine.

Boden:          Maibäume gibt’s jetzt nicht mehr viele.

Anderer Pilot:  Du, ich glaube, der meint die Sender bei Rohrdorf.



(Damit lag er richtig.)







Controller:     CRX 500, are you on course SUL?

Pilot:          More or less.

Controller:     So proceed a little more to SUL.







Absetzpilot:    Düsseldorf Radar, guten Tag, D-EFCC, Deppenwerfen over Meiersberg,

                request to climb to FL 100.

Pilot:          McGuire Aprroach, Piper 1234 requesting flight following.

Controller:     Piper 1234, say your final destination.

Pilot:          Piper 1234 is going to east 60th Street Manhattan.