CONTROLLER :    RFG 312, fliegen Sie direkt nach Olno VOR. 

                Brauchen Sie einen Radar Vector?

PILOT :         Nein, es geht auch so, wir koennen das VOR schon empfangen.

                Es liegt genau in der Richtung wo der Mond steht.

CONTROLLER :    Ja,aber den haben wir nicht auf dem Radarschirm. 







PILOT :         Ground, XY-line 195, requesting start-up.

GROUND :        Sorry, XY-line 195, we don't have your flight plan.

                What is your destination?

PILOT :         Wie jeden Montag, nach Leipzig.

GROUND :        Aber, aehh, wir haben heute doch Dienstag!

PILOT :         WAS ? Am Dienstag haben wir doch frei! 







CONTROLLER :    Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about

                two houres ago?

PILOT :         Negativ, Sir. It's only the same pilot.









PILOT :         Tower, da brennt ein Runway-light.

LOTSE :         Ich hoffe da brennen mehrere.

PILOT :         Sorry, ich meine, es qualmt! 







TOWER :         Lufthansa 893, number one, checkcar on the runway.

PILOT :         Roger, we'll check the car on the runway.







CONTROLLER :    Delta Romeo Zulu, confirm you are inbound to Sulz NDB?

PILOT :         Affirm, but we don't receive it! 







TOWER:  PH-ABC, check you have the gear down?

PILOT:  Sir, it has been down since this aircraft was built. 







PILOT:  Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and 

        push back, please.

GROUND: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.

PILOT:  Please confirm, two hours delay?

GROUND: Affirmative.

PILOT:  In that case, cancel the good morning! 







TOWER:  Paris tower to all aircraft, QNH is now 1017hPa.

PILOT:  How come? Did everybody open their windows? 







TOWER:  Mission 1234, your are cleared to...via...and via...After take off...

        and...then...climb to...and further...and descend...further 

        instructions on frequency...or...and squawk...Acknowledge please!

PILOT:  Roger tower, we are cancelling IFR. 







CONTROLLER :    Delta Oscar Mike, squawk 0476.

PILOT :         Say again.

CONTROLLER :    Squawk 0476.

PILOT :         Four, zero....?

CONTROLLER :    Wollen sie nen leichteren haben? 







PILOT :         Tower, request permission to enter zone XY.

TOWER :         Negative!

PILOT :         Did you say negative ?

TOWER :         Affirmative

PILOT :         Understood affirmative. I will call you leaving the zone. 







PILOT :         Does the enemy F-16 come from east or west?

TOWER :         Yes.

PILOT :         Yes,what?

TOWER :         Yes, SIR! 







CONTROLLER (in Stuttgart) :     Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots.

PILOT :                         Das is ja wie in Frankfurt. Da gibts auch nur

                                210 und 170 Knoten....aber wir sind ja flexibel.

CONTROLLER :                    Wir auch! Reduce to 173 knots. 







CONTROLLER :    Delta Zulu Romeo,turn right now and report your heading.

PILOT:          Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345.... 







TOWER :         Say altitude.

PILOT :         altitude.

TOWER :         Say fuelstate.

PILOT :         fuelstate.

TOWER :         Say again.

PILOT :         again.

TOWER :         Say cancel IFR!







Neulich &uumlber Italien:



ATC :           REACH 734A, say your speed in Mach.

PILOT :         REACH 734A, say again.

ATC :           REACH 734A, say your speed in Mach.

PILOT :         REACH 734A, heading 210. 

ATC :           REACH 734A, request your speed in Mach.

PILOT :         REACH 734A, say again.

ATC :           REACH 734A, request your speed in Mach.

PILOT :         REACH 734A, maintaining FL 290.

ATC :           REACH 734A, i say again, request your speed in Mach!

PILOT :         REACH 734A, roger, maintaining heading 210.

UNKNOWN:        Hey Reach, what is the name of your wife?

PILOT :         REACH 734A, Mach .74 







PILOT :         Tower, give me a rough time check!

TOWER :         It's tuesday... 







TOWER :         Say fuelstate.

PILOT :         fuelstate.

TOWER :         Say again.

PILOT :         again.

TOWER :         Arghl, give me your fuel!!

PILOT :         Sorry, need it by myself..... 







PILOT :         Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo established ILS 16.

TOWER :         Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16 , wind calm -

                and by the way: this is Vienna Tower.

PILOT :         (Nach einer Denkpause) Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo

                passed the outer marker. 

TOWER :         Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more :

                You are approaching Vienna!

PILOT :         (Nach einer weiteren Denkpause) Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?

TOWER :         You can believe me, this is Vienna!

PILOT : (....Denkpause....) But why?? We want to go to Bratislava,

                not to Vienna!

TOWER :         Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left 060

                and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava. 









TOWER :         Delta Delta Whiskey, rollen sie ueber Teerweg zwo null neun

                Charlie und Mike zum GAC.

PILOT :         AEH...Teerweg zwo...??

TOWER :         Das ist der kleine rechts. Sie sind gerade dran vorbeigerollt.

PILOT :         Sorry.

TOWER :         Don't worry , nehmen sie den Mike.

PILOT :         Aeh, ...Mike??

TOWER :         Das ist der letzte ganz hinten rechts.... 







PILOT :         Condor 471, gibt's hier keinen Follow-me ?

TOWER :         Negativ, sehen Sie mal zu, wie Sie allein zum Gate 10 kommen. 







PILOT :         ....Tower, please call me a fuel truck.

TOWER :         Roger.You are a fuel truck. 







CONTROLLER :    Phantom-Formation crossing controlzone without clearance,

                state your callsign !!

PILOT :         I'm not silly...!! 







PILOT:  "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."

TOWER:  "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the

        airfield in sight?!?!!"

PILOT:  "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the

        fuel truck is." 







The Pilot's Prayer 



Oh controller, who sits in tower

Hallowed be thy sector.

Thy traffic come, thy instructions be done

On the ground as they are in the air.

Give us this day our radar vectors,

And forgive us our TCA incursions (*)

As we forgive those who cut us off on final.

And lead us not into adverse weather,

But deliver us our clearances.



Roger. 







What's the difference between God and pilots?

God doesn't think he's a pilot. 







What's the purpose of the propeller? 



To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it 

and watch him sweat!







Then there's the pilot who dies and goes to heaven; while waiting to check in

he notices a large twin coming in high-and-hot to a nearby landing strip.

The twin pilot blows the landing--collapses the nose gear and strikes the

props; he gets out of the plane and walks away. Fifteen minutes later, same

scene: another twin, another blown landing--same guy gets out of the 

wrecked plane. 

The fellow waiting to check in to heaven is amazed, he turns to St. Peter and

says "what's the story with the twin pilot over there?"

"Oh, that's just God" says St. Peter, "he thinks he's a surgeon." 







A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot but she keeps

denying it until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: 

Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand

times, negative on the affair ... 







Santa Claus, upon trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight trip

around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing next to

his rig. Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied, "I'm from the FAA,

and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection. I'll ride right seat." 

Santa responded, "With all due respects, sir, I've been doing this flight for

over 700 years -- but if you insist, well, let's go." As they both climbed

into the sleigh, Santa noticed that the FAA inspector brought his shotgun

along with him, placing it in his lap, with his finger on the trigger.

Santa queried, "What's the shotgun for?" To which the FAA inspector grumbled, 

"You're going to lose two on takeoff..." 







A student was having difficulty with his landings. Seems like he would bounce

it in every time. However, on the first night lesson, the student greased in

all of his landings. Puzzled, the instructor asked, "How are you doing that?

You have so much trouble during the day?" 

The student replied, "It's easy, I continue the approach until you stiffen up,

then I just pull back." 







On my first solo cross country, I was flying north through the San Fernando

valley and trying to keep track of traffic callouts. Apparently therewas a

controller with a similar problem. He had managed to confuse a commercial jet

on approach to Burbank with a private plane that was transitioning south

across the valley. For a period of about 90 seconds he was calling out

instructions to them that weren't quite what they wanted ... and finally the

commercial jet pilot enquired as to where he was being sent. 

There was a brief exchange about intentions, followed by an "oops" and

30 seconds of silence. The next voice I heard on that frequency said: 

"Attention all aircraft. Previous controller no longer a factor. 







This story is TRUE: told by the pilot and confirmed by ATC.



ATC:            Southend National 676 - Cleared for takeoff;

                report passing 2000ft. 

ATC:            NAA676: Cleared for takeoff; call you passing 2000.

NAA676:         Southend, 676 is passing 2000, climbing

Southend:       676 call London 128.6

NAA676:         To London 128.6 - see you on the way home.



(in the process of changing frequency, 676 loses the door -

yes the DOOR on a BE90)



NAA676:         Mayday, Mayday, Mayday London Control this is National 676,

                4 miles west of Southend, 2500 ft - I've lost the door 

                and I am returning climbing to 4000 ft and returning to 

                Southend.

London ATC:     NAA 676, roger. Are you in control of the Aircraft?

NAA676:         No more than usual !!!! 







AIRCRAFT:       I'm fucking bored! 

F/S             Last A/C transmitting please identify yourself.

AIRCRAFT:       I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid! 







A friend of a friend, who is an airline copilot, told the following stories

about a captain with whom he often flew. This guy was an excellent pilot, but

not real good at making passengers feel at ease. 

For example, one time the airplane in front of him blew a tire on landing,

scattering chunks of rubber all over the runway. He was aked to hold while the

trucks came out and cleaned up. His announcement: 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid there will be a short delay before our

arrival. They've closed the airport while they clean up what's left of the

last airplane that landed there." Then there was the time they were flying

through turbulence. Some of the passengers became alarmed at how much the

wings were bending in the rough air and one of the flight attendants relayed

that message to the captain. His announcement: 



"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed that some of you have noticed our

wings bending in the turbulence. In fact, the flight attendant told me that

the wing tips are bending as much as ten feet in the bumps. 

Well, that's perfectly normal; there's nothing to worry about. Our wings are

designed to bend as much as thirteen feet at the tips and, as you can see,

we're nowhere near that yet".







I'm a commercial pilot, and a couple of years ago I was listening to the

scanner late at night near DFW airport. I heard the following true to life

exchange (the names have been changed to protect the innocent, but it was

DFW tower). 



DFW Tower:      "Lonestar 189, clear to land 18R, wind calm." 

Lonestar:       "Roger, cleared to land 18R." 

Lonestar:       "Tower, we hit something." 

DFW Tower:      YOU DID WHAT??? 

Lonestar:       "We hit a small animal or something on the runway. Ya know,

                some sort of road kill or something." 

DFW Tower:      "UPS 31 HEAVY, be advised company that just landed ahead of

                you on runway 18R reports hitting some sort of roadkill." 

UPS 31:         "That's allright, we'll flatten it out a little bit for ya!" 







NY Ctr:         "Federal Express 235, descend, maintain three one zero,

                expect lower in ten miles."

FedEx 235:      "Okay, outta three five for three one oh, 

                FedEx two thirty-five."

NY Ctr:         "Delta fahv twuntee, climb one ninah zeruh, dat'll be finah..."

Delta 520:      "Uhh... up to one niner zero, Delta five twenty."

NY Ctr:         "Alitalia wonna sixxa, you slowa to two-a-fifty, please."

Alitalia 16:    "HEY! You make-a funna Alitalia?!"

NY Ctr:         "Oh, no! I make-a funna Delta anna FedEx!"







Scene: Student and instructor are on a dual, night cross country. 



Instructor:     Turns down the panel lights, "OK, you've just lost your lights,

                what are you going to do?" 

Student pulls out a flashlight. 

Student:        "I get out my flashlight." 

Instructor grabs flashlight. 

Instructor:     "The batteries are dead, now what are you going to do?" 

Student pulls out another flashlight. 

Student:        "I get out my other flashlight." Instructor grabs the next 

                flashlight.

 Instructor:    "The bulb is burned out on this one, now what?" 

Student pulls out yet a third flashlight. 

Student:        "I use this flashlight."

Instructor grabs this one too. 

Instructor:     "ALL your flashlights are dead. Now what?" 

Student:        "I use this glow stick." 

Instructor:     "Sighhhhhh, just fly the plane without any lights, OK?" 







"Renting airplanes is like renting sex: It's difficult to arrange on short

notice on Saturday, the fun things always cost more, and someone's always

looking at their watch." 







The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great

forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he

frantically called his home office to hire a plane. 

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. 

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was

warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled,

"Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they

were in the air. 

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three

or four low level passes." 

"Why?" asked the pilot. 

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers

take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. 

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?" 







Story I heard when I was getting my private on Long Island: Local fellow 

working his way up had padded his logbook with extra twin time. For a couple

of these "flights" he'd used the tail number of a twin he'd seen passing

through his airport -- it looked like it was from far away, and headed back

there. The checkride was at a bigger airport nearby. After the ride the 

examiner was looking at the logbook and checking the totals.

"Nice plane, that N12345" says the examiner. "Sure is," says the candidate.

"I don't suppose you know that I own that plane?" asked the examiner as he

motioned out the window to where it was parked, just down the line. 







If God had meant man to fly, He would have given him more money. 







A true story (from the latest edition of Australian Aviation magazine): 



After a particularly lousy landing by the co-pilot of an Australian commercial

airline, that co-pilot heard the Captain announce "Ladies and Gentlemen, 

XXX airlines wishes to apologise for that rough landing provided today by our

first officer". 

Some months later the same crew were together and, you guessed it, the Captain

did an even worse one. The First Officer immediately jumped on the intercom

announcing "Ladies and Gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologise for that

rough landing provided today by our Captain". 

The Captain immediately responded angrily, "What did you say that for?". 

The First Officer replied "Remember a couple of months back?

I owed it to you!". "But I never keyed the mike!", responded the Captain. 







Q.      Why did Santa Claus ask Rudolf to lead his sleigh team?

A.      Rudolf was the only one who was IFR current. 







This T-38 pilot ran out of fuel and decided to put it down on a road.

He managed to coast into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"

The attendant just looked at the pilot. "Bet you don't get too many airplanes

asking for a fuel," said the pilot. The attendant replied, "True, most pilots

use the airport over there." 







This story was told to me by a friend who "swore" he heard it on an IFR flight

in Germany. It seems a "good ol' boy" American (Texas-sounding). 

AF C-130 reserve pilot was in the (that day very crowded) instrument pattern

for landing at Rhein-Main. The conversation went something like this: 



Cont:   "AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1

        three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots." 

Pilot:  "Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred

        and thirty knots fur ya." 

Cont (a few moments later):     "AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now

                                1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further

                                to 110 knots." 

Pilot:  "AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots"

Cont:   "AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile

        ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots" 

Pilot (a little miffed):        "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of

                                this here C-130 is?"

Cont:   "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you." 







An obvious student in a AH Jeffco 



Cessna 152:     Tower this is ah Cessna XXXXX final, for ah runway ah 11...

Jeffco Tower:   You're not on final. Final is when you don't have to turn

                anymore to get to the runway! 







PILOT:  Toronto Terminal, FQOZ is a Cherokee 140, Burlington skyway at 3500,

        VFR to Buttonville via the island, would like to get as high as

        possible.

ATC:    QOZ, cleared to flight level 230.

PILOT:  {sputter, gasp!} Say again! Did you say flight level 230 for QOZ?!

ATC:    Just kidding; I can give you up to 6500. 







Pilot:  Oakland Ground, Cessna 1234 at Sierra Academy, 

        Taxi, Destination Stockton.

Ground: Cessna 1234, Taxi Approved, report leaving the airport. 







A decade ago or so I was in the back seat of a motor-glider being flown 

to a local airport for some repair work on a noisy muffler. 



Control:        You're unreadable, say again.

Us:             I've turned off the engine, is that better?

Control:        L..o..n..g , very l..o..n..g pause. 







Tower:                  "Aircraft on final, go around, aircraft on runway." 

Solo Student Pilot:     "Roger" (Continues descent.)

Tower:                  "Aircraft, GO AROUND"

Student:                "Roger" (Continues descent.)

Tower: (Screaming)      "AIRCRAFT, GO AROUND!!"

Student:                "Roger" (Continues descent.) 



So, the student pilot plunks his airplane down on the numbers, taxies up to

where the twin is sitting in the middle of the runway, GOES AROUND it,

and continues on to the taxiway. 







The tower was having some difficulty working a student pilot in the pattern

and it finally came down to this;



TOWER:  95 Delta, do you read the tower?

95D:    675, sir

TOWER:  95 Delta, Say Again 

95D:    I think it is 675. 

TOWER:  95 Delta, What do you mean by 675? 

95D:    I mean I think I read "Elevation 675 feet" on the tower as I taxied

        by for takeoff, but I am too far away to read it now. 

TOWER:  95 Delta, you are cleared to land. Please give the tower a call

        ON THE TELEPHONE after you have tied down. 







This CFI and his Student are holding on the runway for departing cross traffic

when suddenly a deer runs out of the nearby woods, stops in the middle of the

runway, and just stands there looking at them. 



Tower:  Cessna XXX cleared for take-off. 

Std:    "What should I do? What should I do?" 

Inst:   "What do you think you should do?" 



(think-think-think) 



Std:    "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away." 

Inst:   "That's a good idea." 



(Taxi toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.) 



Tower:  Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN. 

Std:    "What should I do? What should I do?" 

Inst:   "What do you think you should do?" 



(think-think-think) 



Std:    "Maybe I should tell the tower." 

Inst:   "That's a good idea." 

Std:    Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway. 



(long pause) 



Tower:  Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runawy NN cleared for immediate 

        departure. 



(Two seconds, and then -- I presume by coincidence -- the deer bolts from the

runway, and runs back into the woods.) 



Tower:  Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake turbulence, 

        departing deer. 







Controller:     USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.6.

Controller:     USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.6!

Controller:     USA353 you're just like my wife -- you never listen!

Pilot:          Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right

                name you'd get a better response! 







Anyway, I heard these two on the air this week: 



(Scene 1: It's night over Las Vegas, information H (Hotel) is current and

Mooney 33W is unfamiliar and talking to approach control) 



Approach:       33W confirm you have hotel.

33W:            Uhhhmm, we're flying into McCarren International. 

                Uhhhmm, we don't have a hotel room yet.



Approach control was laughing too hard to respond. The next several calls 

went like this:



Approach:       United 5, descend to FL220.

United 5:       United 5 down to FL220; we don't have a hotel room either. 







Leaving Palo Alto on Friday. A Citabria had just landed: 



PAO:            85 Uniform, Taxi to position and hold. 

Me:             Position and hold, 85 Uniform. 

Citabria:       Umm, Tower, there's a dead seagull on the right side of the

                runway near the windsock. 

PAO: Roger.     85 Uniform, cleared for takeoff. Watch for a dead seagull

                on the right side of the runway. 

Me: 85  Uniform, Dead seagull traffic in sight. 



A little later, the Citabria was downwind when I heard: 



PAO:            Citabria 123, cleared to land 30. Caution - there's a buzzard

                trying to eat the seagull on the runway. 







LOWA, in den 70er Jahren.



C 337 OE-FRR mit dem Pruefer Norbert R. und dem Kandidaten Hans R. 

bemannt, startet auf RWY 18. (Laenge 600m). Vor Erreichen der Vmc nimmt 

der Pruefer einen Motor heraus. Der Twin-Kandidat reagiert nach Vorschrift,

nimmt auch den zweiten Motor zurueck und bremst. 

Darauf meint der Pruefer: "Nein, so habe ich das nicht gemeint" und schiebt

beide wieder auf Vollast. Dann war das Pistenende erreicht.

Controller Gerd S., den Startvorgang beobachtend, stellt Verbindung zu

LOWW Twr her : "Oscar Romeo Romeo is airborne... ", sieht das Desaster und

setzt fort : "ah, disregard, der liegt auf der Gosch'n".







Silvesterabend LOWW.



Eine LH erhaelt die route-clearence : "LH xxx is cleared to Frankfurt,

FL 60 initial, expect level change enroute, proceed Tulln-Linz-Straubing".

LH xxx liest korrekt zurueck und fuegt noch ein "Prosit Neujahr" an.

Darauf Wien : "LH xxx, negativ, proceed Tulln-Linz-Straubing".







LOWL, in den 60er Jahren.



Eine YAK 11 mit Major "Janos" M. im short approach auf 27L.

Tower : "Check, you have gear down !".

YAK 11: "Wette Gulasch und Bier, Fahrwerk ist draussen!".

Major M. nach der fulminanten Bauchlandung zum Chefcontroller : 

"Hast gewonnen Gulasch und Bier.".







LOWL, in den 60er Jahren.



Bei der L 20 Beaver war Vorschrift, dass bei IFR-Fluegen alle Insassen 

gebrauchsfertige Fallschirme anzulegen hatten. Oberst B. unmittelbar vor dem

Start zu seinen Passagieren : "Meine Herren, wenn ich sage Aussteigen und es

fragt mich einer, warum, so fuehrt er bereits Selbstgespaeche!".







70er Jahre.



Eine Twin meldet "short on fuel" und verlangt Priority. Auf die Frage des 

Tower, wieviel Treibstoff noch zur Verfuegung stehe, antwortet die Twin : 

"Lieber Freund, - Sie sprechen bereits mit einem Segelflieger".







EDDM, in den 70er Jahren.



Ein LH liner im Anflug Nr. 2, vor ihm eine C 172.

Tower : "D-ECSG, break-off to the right, Lufthansa-liner close behind you".

C-172 : "Munich tower, say all again after airliner"

Tower : "D-ECSG, immediately turn off to the right!"

C-172 : "Munich tower, please say again"

LH :    Ein urbayrischer Kapitaen : 

        "A Rechtskurven soll'st fliagn, Du Hirsch!"







Ueber Deutschland.



Ein Kapitaen entschuldigt seine Kursabweichung mit einem "Geraetefehler".

Daraufhin hoert man im Funksprech eine dritte Stimme : "Hast Du keine 

bessere Ausrede ?" Der Kaept'n erbost : "Wer war das ?"

Nochmals die unbekannte Stimme : "Dein Copilot neben Dir!"







Luftschlacht um England.



Eine Bf 109, vom Verband abgeplatzt, auf dem Rueckflug ueber den Kanal :

"Ich bin allein, ich bin ganz allein !"

Unbekannte Stimme im FT : "Halt die Schnauze, bloeder Hund, Du bist nicht 

allein. Eine Spitfire haengt an Deinem Arsch !".







Luftschlacht um England.



Eine Bf 110, mit einem zerschossenen Motor einen Jaegerplatz ansteuernd : 

"Achtung, Achtung, mache Einmotorenlandung. Platz frei, Platz frei !".

Darauf die Stimme eines Bf 109-Jaegers : 

"Reg Dich nicht auf, ich mache immer Einmotorenlandungen!"







Ahlhorn



Einem juengeren Piloten, der mit einer Do 27 eine Wochentagslandung gemacht

hatte, gab Ahlhorn Tower die "Rollanweisung": "Now jump left to apron".







LOIJ, in den 70er Jahren.



Die Cessna 207 Skywagon OE-DKC im Anflug auf den Platz zum Absetzen der

Springer. Pilot Norbert K., vom lauten Verhalten seiner Skydiver schon 

leicht genervt, nach Einholen der Dropping-clearence :

"Spielt's im Hof draussen weiter!" 







Ueber dem Atlantik, in den 70er Jahren.



Eine SR 71 Blackbird fliegt nach einem Besuch bei der Luftfahrtshow in

Farnborough ueber den Atlantik zurueck in die USA. Die SR 71 meldet sich bei

Atlantic Control und schliesst an : "Request Level 600."

Der Controller, offensichtlich mit der Performance einer SR 71 nicht vertraut:

"If you can reach, then cleared Level 600."

Darauf die SR 71 : "Roger, leaving 800 for 600."



Unbestaetigten Geruechten zufolge, weist das Mikro des Controllers seit 

damals deutliche Bissspuren auf.







LOWA, in den 80er Jahren



Auf einem Kleinorientierungsflug nach Grossschweinbarth fliegt der Eleve 

Michael C., anstatt nach dem Ueberfliegen von VOR WGM einen Kurs von 360 Grad

zu halten, bei diesigem Wetter der Strasse nach Gaenserndorf nach, also einen

ca. Kurs 090. Instructor Norbert K. wartet, bis Deutsch Wagram ausser Sicht ist

und Gaenserndorf noch nicht gesehen werden kann, dann kommt die unvermeidliche

Frage :"Wo sind wir ?" 

Hektisches Suchen auf der Karte fuehrt zu keinen Resultaten. Weitere Frage : 

"Was machen wir jetzt ?"

Fuehrt ebenfalls nicht zum erwuenschten Resultat, Suedkurs zu nehmen und eine 

Reorientierung mittels der Auffanglinie Donau zu erreichen. Norbert K. plant

nun, da er seinen etwas schreckhaften Eleven kennt, einen boesen Scherz.

Schaltet beim nicht benuetzten COM 2 die Frequenz um und simuliert folgenden

Funkspruch "Bratislava Control, this is OE DTP, a very good morning". 

Die daraufhin ausbrechende Panik war fuerchterlich !







LOWA, in den 80er Jahren



Chief Instructor Klaus D., auf Kleinorientierungsflug mit einem sehr 

"tauben" Schueler nach dem Nichterkennen von mindestens drei leicht

erkennbaren Orten : "Sag mir wenigstens, ueber welchem Bundesland wir sind !".